may 4th 2022

 

I am my father's daughter. I am the addiction that runs through icy-cold veins. I am a cigarette sitting crooked in a fourteen-year-old girl's mouth. I am the things my mother begged me not to be. 

 Hey guys,

it's me, the girl who can't figure out a name. I decided to cut the bullshit today, ridden my riddles..I wanted to come on here and be real about this site, when I first started I was kinda using it in a more personal way. It was my "give all be all", I wrote with curiosity, shame, and excitement and this incompatible amount of genuine belief in myself. Im not sure that's something I'd agree to say anymore, I was 17 then I'm going to be 20. I claim to be a negative romantic- street-smart comedic psychopath, Im witty as I am dumbfounded. But I am extremely stubborn, I never try at anything I can't do right. I am the best GOD DAMN mediocre Artist, writer, server, barista, and cashier that you ever did meet. And this was the time I truly tried. But now writing has become an old hobby I tuck to bed each night and spoon-feed some haft ass chilly too.

This is to say, that I haven't given up on this site, I consistently write and write and pray for the courage to post, but with those 15 unseen drafts, they've become 15 unseen documents of shame. Im not sure how I gathered so much hate but I did and unfortunately it's something I'm going to have to carry around till I learn how to forgive and realize my own faults. I think a lot.

Im just a girl, that you call a blogger. I have so much talent and admiration for justice, I just don't know how to speak anymore, maybe it's because people became more real, maybe it's because I don't stay, maybe it's cause I'm a blogger, and I'm doing this on purpose. Maybe it's cause I'm losing traction. I'll be leaving soon, it feels shitty to take 10 steps back but it's the only option i have.

I'm going to Sedona today. 

can you guess my name?