statistical statist

There are ways in which we become a product of our reality, are sponge-like child brains absorb the world around us for inspiration. Leaking segments of our reality and turning them into unique perceptions.  

The first time I was knowable acknowledged for my childhood traumatic endeavors. the south lisped surrounded the idea that he acted the way he did because something bad must have happened to him. And the prosecutor became the symbolic version of a victim. 

Generations of abuse and neglect for acknowledgment made me question if I too would hold the same virtue. Grow up to be the type of person who hurt for the purpose of hurting. There is a type of loneliness and hatred for oneself when you discover that your very hands could be the same hands to hurt someone else. and how do you prevent yourself from being a satistical statist?

to better explain what I'm trying to figure out.... every time you watch a true crime episode they litter the abuser's childhood to help you better connect with them. they make you view the person as not all evil and more so a product of their reality. but how does a person with a similar background not become them?

This would be my biggest fear. I know as a human, I cannot be born all good. there are parts of me id admittedly state as toxic and sinful. There are things I've done for the betterment of myself and the downfall of others.  I've been selfish ad unmanaged. and in these times when I'm completely still, I ponder my thought of life and how I may slip into this statistic. as a child and my many failed attempts to prove to my family about the abuse, I was experiencing and the denial they gave me. I began to view the world as a fictional challenge. something where everything was made up. So id sits quietly, legs crossed until the historical trauma would creep into my feet, and my head would explode with realization. Sobbing to my mother to make the cycle stop.

I cant give you a complete answer on how not to become a statistic, I can only explain that you have willpower. and the only solution I have found is solitude.

katbird02