diffrent takes - an old piece i should have forgotten about :>

"We have the same hands" stuttered out of my mouth and onto the floor. My hands crept around my focal point and I sought him to be the type to kill. He was 11, fragile, hurting, and very alone. He happened to be a boy growing up in a shrinking world. He was made to be the type to kill. Bugs, bats, caterpillars, or my toy dolls. He smashed oranges and bee nests. Crumpled paper planes and loved so hard he couldn't stand the sound of static, placed between him and his father's phone calls. I sought him to be the type to kill. The media made him out to be a real monster.

If my mother would have stepped into my puddle of incompetent metaphors. Shed sweep it up, she was always doing things like that. Every issue, every problem shed shimmy into a dustpan and chucked it straight out the door. Collecting the broken bee wings and melted Polly pockets. I sit there shocked by her inability to step in. But she did what most southern women typically do, and she went south. 

“We have the same blood”, this phrase always seemed to soak itself in every whiskey-ridden syllable, with the southern accents ringing behind. It felt like a long car ride, it felt like when I realized fireflies don't come to my town anymore. I was born improperly, the daughter of a Frat/Narscar/Basketball coke head king of the goddamn South. He was a type of romcom that cheerleaders gagged over. He was my mother's, only love. We use to be cool. My mother made him out to be a real monster. 

If my brother saw the mud pies I make today, I think he'd remember the docks. The moldy wood and when the catfish swarmed our childhood Christmas tree. Tied by its stump. I swear it was plastic, I swear we were church-acquired hicks. True Catholics. I knew that church that boy shot up-Anyways he was 10, my brother was stuck on the diving board across the dock in this giant swampy mass called Lake Norman. This lake was the largest man-made lake located in North Carolina. He wasn't the type to kill, that was the problem. Faced with true danger and impeccable speed he was challenged to outrace a water snake. A vicious, unfaithful, gluttonous beast. He did what most people would do, he sat and cried.