Wednesday, March 31, 2021

nail polish and car crashes

{ messy messy messy}

hello, scum of the earth :D 

it's me your fellow friend and favorite blogger.. lol (play 505 by artic monkey brought to you by the rugrats new playlist for Friday night)

emotional/off-topic update: mad that I have an identity crisis and constantly change my passwords because now I can't get into anything D: (UPDATE IM BACK IN AND CAN NOW LISTEN TO KATELYNN UPDATED PLAYLIST) I painted my nails two different colors today. I think people who wear two different colors on two different hands are so cool because then that way they can easily switch between their alter egos and it always confuses people at first. I use to also have two different nail shapes and lengths but that was mainly because I was trying to learn guitar.... 

the only really special memories I have with my dad was when he painted my 8-year-old fingernails black.  I saved up my allowance for 3 weeks just so I could sneak a bottle of licorice polish back to my room. I stared at it for months before I finally got the courage to ask him. I had never seen that man more engrossed in my existence each stroke of the brush seemed to have been perfectly orchestrated. when he finished crafting my small fingernails he just looked and smiled and apologized for any imperfects. I was so euphoric from this simple act of rebellious care, I bombed a hill on my red razor scooter straight into a bush... and I fucked up my nails completely. 

I think that's the best way to describe myself, taking a perfect uncoordinated moment and running into a fucking bush. speaking of running into things, I almost killed peachy divichi by almost driving straight into a car. My brain tangled itself into believing that the perfect sunset and perfectly placed white car was just a mirrored image of myself. I usually get off to near-death experiences and the unholy secrets people say right before their unpredictable death, I think its due to the fact they have no control at all if they live, if i turn to fast or merge into a semi, they can't stop it, all they can do is sit and accept. (not saying I try to kill my fellow passengers, just most of the time their dramatic af and don't think I will break.. actually nvm someone should take my licenses away) im a secret believer in old wives' tales, meaning I hold my breath every time I go under a tunnel; which is every day, I never look back when I see a truck of hay, repeating words is always a sign, red flags are based on favorite colors, and I believe white lighters are the source of all of my trauma. yet for the first time I didn't fear the person holding it, and at that moment, the lighter was just a lighter, and the truck was just a truck and all the tunnel ever did for me was kept me quiet enough to hear the pounding in my chest from the lack of oxygen. learning to be unscared is a difficult task when nobody in the room knows your fallacy fears, yet accepting you can't change a 1,000-pound vehicle from hitting a wall when your sitting in the passenger seat is the most heartbreaking but prevailing thing a person can do. because in the end no fable tale or angel number can help prevent what is already coming. 

{i know that doesn't make much sense, but again I stated in my first blog that I wasn't here to make sense lol}


xoxoxoxooxooxox katbird02



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